How common is this sort of thing ?
I don't have much dating experience, but this guy and I will be out eating and I'll look up at him and he will be staring out to something behind me, when I turn it's a woman standing waiting to be seated by the host at the restaurant. Then later as we walk out he will say that she was looking at him, etc. making it look like she desired him.
He will also tell me that a woman touched his privates on accident, but that she looked like she wanted to when he looked at her face, this happened at the grocery store when she went to grab a grape bag and she slipped a bit.
He also makes jabs about what I wear and my hair, pointing out women when we walk around and saying that she has cute hair and then looking at me and saying "maybe you should do something like that to it"
In other instances he will look at cute woman and just laugh, and look at me, knowing it ticks me off when he does that.
Here lately he has refrain a bit from doing these things, but still, from time to time he does it.
Another thing that bothers me is he will look up exes and women he likes on facebook and sometimes he writes to them from a fake facebook account to tell them that he look hot and that they can do better than their bf. Not necessarily looking to get with them, just more of giving them his opinion, but then when I confront him he goes, well, she's hot and she can do better than him, I'd love to marry a girl like that, young and hot etc.
I don't have much dating experience, but this guy and I will be out eating and I'll look up at him and he will be staring out to something behind me, when I turn it's a woman standing waiting to be seated by the host at the restaurant. Then later as we walk out he will say that she was looking at him, etc. making it look like she desired him.
He will also tell me that a woman touched his privates on accident, but that she looked like she wanted to when he looked at her face, this happened at the grocery store when she went to grab a grape bag and she slipped a bit.
He also makes jabs about what I wear and my hair, pointing out women when we walk around and saying that she has cute hair and then looking at me and saying "maybe you should do something like that to it"
In other instances he will look at cute woman and just laugh, and look at me, knowing it ticks me off when he does that.
Here lately he has refrain a bit from doing these things, but still, from time to time he does it.
Another thing that bothers me is he will look up exes and women he likes on facebook and sometimes he writes to them from a fake facebook account to tell them that he look hot and that they can do better than their bf. Not necessarily looking to get with them, just more of giving them his opinion, but then when I confront him he goes, well, she's hot and she can do better than him, I'd love to marry a girl like that, young and hot etc.
Update: Is all this normal behavior in a relationship ? Or do other men just hide these things better than this guy does, he is just being more honest than most ? IDK what to think here.
HONEST opinions would be appreciated, thanks !
HONEST opinions would be appreciated, thanks !
There are a few red flags in his behavior:
a) He's sticking it in your face that other women do better (or look better) than you-- that's a sign that he's immature and doesn't appreciate you (or simply doesn't like you enough). A mature gentleman who cares about his girlfriend's feelings would not structure his request on a condition that you have to catch up to some other girl on the street
b) All those stories about women flirting with him or touching him first, I don't take this at face value. To me, it again seems like a sign of immaturity and lack of experience. I don't know how old you or your boyfriend are, but I remember doing stuff like that when I was 14--- I used to over-inflate my sexual experience and the amount of girlfriends I had. Why? because I was insecure, I wanted to raise my value in the eyes of the girls I was flirting with, to show that I don't just date any girls- I date models. And that's what I think your guy is doing, which is immature. Now that I'm 30, I can confidently make that statement.
c) The fact that he's using a fake facebook account to chase after his exes (who most likely forgot about him because they already have boyfriends), that seems creepy... and again, a sign of immaturity and attention-seeking. Why else would he comment that he's better than the boyfriends of his exes?
d) he seems like a superficial guy, and you should call him out on his rude behavior. A gentleman should not raise his ego at the expense of others (especially the girl he's dating)
a) He's sticking it in your face that other women do better (or look better) than you-- that's a sign that he's immature and doesn't appreciate you (or simply doesn't like you enough). A mature gentleman who cares about his girlfriend's feelings would not structure his request on a condition that you have to catch up to some other girl on the street
b) All those stories about women flirting with him or touching him first, I don't take this at face value. To me, it again seems like a sign of immaturity and lack of experience. I don't know how old you or your boyfriend are, but I remember doing stuff like that when I was 14--- I used to over-inflate my sexual experience and the amount of girlfriends I had. Why? because I was insecure, I wanted to raise my value in the eyes of the girls I was flirting with, to show that I don't just date any girls- I date models. And that's what I think your guy is doing, which is immature. Now that I'm 30, I can confidently make that statement.
c) The fact that he's using a fake facebook account to chase after his exes (who most likely forgot about him because they already have boyfriends), that seems creepy... and again, a sign of immaturity and attention-seeking. Why else would he comment that he's better than the boyfriends of his exes?
d) he seems like a superficial guy, and you should call him out on his rude behavior. A gentleman should not raise his ego at the expense of others (especially the girl he's dating)
My partner and I are together for over 20 years and we both always look at other people when we go out. There's absolutely no harm in it because we both know where the boundaries lie, and trust each other. The real question is do you trust him?
And why don't YOU go and eye up some nice-looking blokes when you're out? There's no rule that says you can't do the same, and if he has a problem with it, you can cheerfully point out that what's good for him is good for you too
And why don't YOU go and eye up some nice-looking blokes when you're out? There's no rule that says you can't do the same, and if he has a problem with it, you can cheerfully point out that what's good for him is good for you too
It's really quite rare, actually. Most partners are attracted enough physically to one another that there's really no need for that kind of thing. Men and women's eyes follow the things they want. If left unattended, this kind of thing will eventually lead to him wandering off after someone else.
Don't fret, though-- this can be fixed! I see this kind of thing all the time.
The great thing about your man is that he's being honest with you about what he wants. First you need to see what and whom he's looking at. How can you make yourself more like that? Sometimes that means buying new clothes, sometimes it means heading to the gym more often. Maybe it means eating more, not less. He says he'd like you to change your hair? Go for it!
Of course you don't have to change anything, and I wouldn't want you to think that for a moment. But when people say relationships are hard? This is what they're talking about.
Trust me, there are those that are willing to change and make compromises to build a happy, honest, loving relationship, and there's those that just might be better off alone. Both are completely valid! That's the beautiful part- it's all up to you. Give it a long think :) You'll want to make the right decision, since you're not in your 20's anymore. You don't want to reach 40 and suddenly realize you wish you'd really given that last relationship more effort. Regret is the only thing that really destroys people.
You'll know you're making the right changes when he stops paying so much attention to other women. You can do it!
Don't fret, though-- this can be fixed! I see this kind of thing all the time.
The great thing about your man is that he's being honest with you about what he wants. First you need to see what and whom he's looking at. How can you make yourself more like that? Sometimes that means buying new clothes, sometimes it means heading to the gym more often. Maybe it means eating more, not less. He says he'd like you to change your hair? Go for it!
Of course you don't have to change anything, and I wouldn't want you to think that for a moment. But when people say relationships are hard? This is what they're talking about.
Trust me, there are those that are willing to change and make compromises to build a happy, honest, loving relationship, and there's those that just might be better off alone. Both are completely valid! That's the beautiful part- it's all up to you. Give it a long think :) You'll want to make the right decision, since you're not in your 20's anymore. You don't want to reach 40 and suddenly realize you wish you'd really given that last relationship more effort. Regret is the only thing that really destroys people.
You'll know you're making the right changes when he stops paying so much attention to other women. You can do it!
My husband and a couple of guys I dated did that. I know that it sounds as though I am jealous but that isn't it. There I am, spending my time, and the guy ignores me and flirts with anyone and everyone. I feel like I should be having a good time and good conversation but no, they seem like they have to prove themselves by acknowledging any woman that is nearby. There is a big difference between just looking...I think we all do that...and openly flirting. I'm there to have a good time and not sit and watch. I finally got rid of my husband. He flirted with a waitress that was obviously annoyed with his attention and he kept trying to untie her apron. She didn't want to be touched and then he grabbed her by the arm and she told him off. Good for her. I was so embarrassed to be with him and it didn't get better despite an effort to talk about it. It was just one more thing on a long list of problems and it didn't start until after we had married. What a goofball. You can only have a talk but its a game a lot of guys play to keep you off balance in the relationship. And they do it because they know they can do it. It's a passive aggressive move that is meant to take you down after they do something to make you feel good about the relationship. He is gaming you and the game will only get worse. Look up passive aggressive and see if that doesn't look familiar. We all look but there are ways to look and ways not to look and then there are these guys that just play games to hurt your feelings. Want to spend the rest of your life with his games and your feelings hurt yet again?
This is not normal, in fact i would consider this not being faithful honestly. I'm a male and my wife and I have been married 3+ years, and when we go out or something I notice other women, take a quick glance, then look away like normal.. I do that with men too, just people in general. If someone truly loves you and is devoted to you they will not act like that in the least! People are saying men have wandering eyes and it's expected of them? Wrong! Maybe it's expected of a rude man that cheats on his partner, but not a normal man that loves his partner... I'm sorry if I was harsh, it's just that you don't deserve that at all! I am so sorry he did/is doing that to you.